im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I can't put those talents on a resume
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
