Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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