I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
