don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize