No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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