U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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