My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Randomize
