alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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