I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
