drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
