yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
