I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
