I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
it's like heaven, but drunker
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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