ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We need to get me chipped asap
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize