I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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