He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
