kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize