thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Pants are for mortals
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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