He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My dick has a subreddit
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
