I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
