so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
