He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
