Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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