After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
