Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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