No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
