He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
