Just cropdusted the office
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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