his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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