They should really pass out barf bags in church
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You are the jesus of drinking
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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