Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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