that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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