I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
vagina is talking i cant
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize