I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
