You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize