you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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