Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
