Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize