I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
