Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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