I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
