They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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