Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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