Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
