my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
that's an acceptable place to lick
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
