barbara walters just said penis...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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