I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
His nipple licking is glorious
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