Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize