PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
