if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
