he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
