You just made me feel so damn special
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
