I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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