Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
