At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
