He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
