the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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