Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
