His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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