yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
