So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
