dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
