I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I party with great urgency now.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
