girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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