ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Randomize