Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
