oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
