Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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