I am in a vortex of obligation.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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